Snake Oil Merchant And The Kid's Odorous Infected Ear

By Mortz  C. Ortigoza

Every time I saw people converged at the town plaza nearby my billet, I immediately garbed myself with sneakers, cargo short pants, a polo shirt, and my Ray Ban and jumped off from the door, and hanged there to watch old faces while barangay officials particularly of the huge Poblacion A distributed the P5,000 Social Amelioration Program of the Department of Social Welfare & Development to each of the selected household members of the great unwashed.

Thanks but no thanks to the more than a month lockdown versus the dreaded Corona Virus Disease-19.

VENTRILOQUIST and his dummy. Up to the 1980s many puppeteers in the Philippines double as snake oil merchant where they have magic shows in the town specially during market days. Photo Credit: mamemimommy.com

“Ano ang inyo nga apelyido (what’s your surname)?” I posed a question to a 50 year’s old balding guy who mingled while I was exchanging pleasantries with Mr. Alan Ardon and a Mr. Suscano, fellow alumni at a protestant college when we cut our teeth there academically in the 1980s.

“Mr. ABCD from (Sitio) Baluarte,” he said.

“Ano mo si Mr. XYZ? Classmate ko siya”

“Paka-isa ko (He is my cousin).

He nodded when I told him that he used to be part of the “Ido-ido (conspirators) led by gambling racket leader whose sleight of hands could change instantly the content of one of the three caps of the lapad (cooking oil bottle).

 The leader could deftly hid the ipil ipil seed inside his thumb nail and inserted it in one of three caps to deceive the bettor who thought it was already in Cap-1 when it was stealthily transferred to Cap-3.

Unwitting bettor from far flung villages, lured and fooled by the countless Ido-ido, during the Saturday market day of M’lang would bet their peso or five peso bill to Crown-1 motivated by those conspirator-bettors who immediately bet their money to the game of chance.

Because of “band wagon” effect, a peasant who sold his harvest in the market found himself holding the empty proverbial basket, er, wallet and crying helplessly, son of a gun, because of the shenanigan done by the fraudsters.

I wonder why President and Dictator President Ferdinand E. Marcos’ 1978 edict Presidential Decree No. 1602 (Stiffer Penalties On Illegal Gambling) was not implemented during that time?

That game of chance ensued in the late 1970s to middle of 1980s and held between the century old acacia tree and stalls owned by Mr. Panisal and Mr. Alcalde - a World War -2 retired Master Sergeant.  

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“May ara pa ba atong mga gabaligya sang mga lana-lana para sa may mga balati-an kag may mga dala sila nga mga man-og, Kiko-Kiko (puppet) nga naga hambal, kag ga magic? (Do snake oil salesmen (meaning quack or charlatan) still come to town and sell their all- curing medicine, brought various sizes of snakes, puppet that speak, and do magic tricks)?

Misters Ardon and Suscano told me that those snake oil merchants seldom come anymore to town.

“Indi ko gid ina sila malimtan. Bago mag pa guwa sila ka magkal o mag patindog ka talom ka espada sa ila nga dila ma kurit ang manugbulong sang circle nga ang mga tawo hindi magsulod. Sa sobra ka excited ko may okasyon nga naka sulod ako sa circle, gin butang niya dayon ang man-og sa box kag kuha-on ang iya microphone kag hambalan niya ako pamaagi sa iya nga dako nga loudspeaker: “To’ kamusta na ang imo nga bulaho nga ginbutangan ta ka lana maayo na? Nahuya-an gid ako sadto amo ina pag may kurit asta karon wala ako ga sulod kay na trauma ako nga may bulaho ako e hindi man ato tood (I could not forget those snake oil peddlers. Before they start the show by baring to all and sundry the phyton and the sword exhibit at their tongues they used a stick to draw a circle for the people not to enter inside. Because of over zealousness, there was an incident that I stepped inside the circle. When he saw me, he put immediately inside the box the snake, took the microphone and told me through a loudspeaker: “Boy, how was your foul smelling ear discharge that I cured using the oil? Was it healed already? I felt embarrassed that every time I saw a circle I dreaded to enter it. How can that guy tell me I have a “bulaho” when it was not true?)

(You can read my selected columns at http://mortzortigoza.blogspot.com and articles at Pangasinan News Aro. You can send comments too at totomortz@yahoo.com)