This Man thought Ebola is a Terrorist

By Mortz C. Ortigoza

As I encoded my column, yes Virginia sometimes I scribbled my draft on paper, I overheard the interview of Iron Sheik – a cussing wrestler who speaks like actor Sacha Baron - at the Howard Stern Radio Show why Muslim and Jews (Israelis for example) do not eat pork.

Terrorist named Abala that my friend Sheik Faquir Afaq hated

By the way the Sheik or in real name Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri is an Iranian - American former professional wrestler, amateur wrestler, actor, one-time world champion, having won the WWF World Heavyweight Championship in 1983, and former body guard of Iranian Shah (King) Mohammad Reza Pahlavi.

BLACK LADY CO-HOST ROBIN QUIVERS: It is a sin in your religion to drink (alcoholic beverage), take drugs..?

SHEIK: God bless you, good question Robin! Ah, ah, ah, as an Islamic man I am not supposed to eat pork, I am not supposed to drink alcohol, but since I am in your country America I will be sociable sometimes, I drink a couple of beer, a little bit glasses of whisky and a little bit sometimes, ah, eat, ah instant bacon which is pork. That is against our religion since like Jewish people that when we eat pork that’s the dirtiest animal in the earth because pork or pig eat dead animals.

Just like Jews, Muslim people we don’t eat pork only lamb, goats, and beef okay? Ah, because sheep and goat they eat grass that son of a bitch pork or pig (chuckle from the radio staff) eat, eat, eat dead animals and the dirtiest animal in the world. I respected Jew people they don’t eat pork!

***

Salamabit, I could remember some Muslim classmates and customers in the nearby wielding shop in our house in M’lang, North Cotabato (town of Aggie Secretary Manny Pinol and Health Secretary Rose Ubial) where they cool their heels at Mario Hernandez’s Tuba-an. Some of these classmates and customers sneaked from the prying eyes of their Muslim brothers especially their Imam or Mullah (priest) by eating too kinilaw na baboy (we called sisig in Luzon) as finger food to complement the bad smelling coconut wine we quaffed. The tuba was sold at P12 a gallon in the middle of 1980s. Its bahal (that taste between a tuba and vinegar) version could knocked out the wits out of ones mind as if the drinker just drank two jumbo bottles of Red Horse Beer.

Tuba and kinilaw were not advisable however if the drinker after substantially consuming the stuffs would go to a woman’s house and court her. The guy would surely be “basted” or rejected because of the wine’s reeking from one’s breathe.  

***

 I remembered a real Sheik Faquir Afaq of Tehran, Iran who used to be my student at the Lyceum Northwestern University in Dagupan City in 1992.

Faquir, who speaks like a Maranao, excelled in soccer as I played with him versus the Palestinians, Sudanese, South Koreans, and Thailanders but he failed in I.Q test on different subjects at LNU.

When I guested him few years ago at my morning radio program with my queries how the Islamic State of Iran under the Ayatollahs fared on the economic embargoes of the United States – the Great Satan before the eyes of the Persians – he instead ranted on my program on topic away from my poser.

FAQUIR: Whenever I was in airports in Europe and the United States, I got 24 hours watching the f*cking television that talks about Abala….was that Abala Mr. Mortz….?

ME: Ebola, that’s Ebola!

FAQUIR: I am sick and f*cking tired of Ebola. Ebola you terrorist you made people in airport sick. I will tell you Ebola f*ck you! If I can see you I’ll f*ck your ass with my ten inches and make you humble!

  (You can read my selected columns at http://mortzortigoza.blogspot.com and articles at Pangasinan News Aro. You can send comments too at totomortz@yahoo.com)